More Than I Deserve
by KaelynAnne
Summary: It's the little moments that are the most important part of any relationship. Buffy and Lindsey know that better than anyone and they take advantage of every moment they can get.
1. Comfort

Disclaimer: All characters are property of Joss Whedon.

More Than I Deserve: Chapter One

She doesn't think as she picks up the phone and dials his number, praying that he'll answer. She's been through a lot in the last four years, but this is the worst because she doesn't know how to deal with it. Her mom has just died and she's basically become a single parent. She doesn't know what she expects to happen, she just knows that she needs to hear his voice.

"Hello?"

"I didn't know who else to call."

"Anne?" He doesn't like the way her voice sounds and finds himself wishing he could be there with her. "What happened?"

"My mom died this afternoon. Dawn was still at school. I found—I found her on the couch."

"Baby, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to come down there?"

"No, I know you're in the middle of a big case and I don't want to pull you away from it. I just need to hear your voice. To have some kind of comfort."

"Where's Dawn?"

"She's staying with Willow and Tara. She didn't want to be home tonight and I can't really blame her. They offered to let me stay too, but I just need to be alone right now."

"Anne, I've been where you are before. The last thing you need right now is to be alone. You're more important than any damn case I've ever had or ever will have, I'm leaving the office right now and I'll be there in a couple of hours."

"Lindsey, don't. I want you here too, but right now I want to hear your voice more than anything else. Don't hang up. Just keep talking to me."

"About what?" He hates that there's so much physical distance between them right now. He wants to be there with her so he can take her in his arms and offer her the comfort that no one ever thought to offer him when his mom died.

Buffy shakes her head as tears fill her green eyes then spill over, sliding down her cheeks. "I don't care. Anything. Tell me about the case you're working on. Tell me—tell me about your family. You make references to them sometimes, but you never really talk about them."

And for the first time since he'd left his childhood hell, Lindsey did talk. He talked about his life until he'd graduated high school and left for Los Angeles. He told Buffy about his parents, his brothers and sisters, his grandparents and the few friends he'd had in school. They spent hours talking and by the time he was finished, Lindsey could tell that his girlfriend was noticeably calmer than she had been when she'd called him.

"I wish I could have met them."

He smiles as he spins in his chair to look out at the city. "So do I. They would have loved you. Especially my sisters. And my mom."

"I thought you said a few of your brothers and sisters were still alive."

"They are, but we're scattered all over the country. We talk on the phone all the time, but most of them still don't have very much money and as much as I wish I could, I can't take an extended vacation."

Buffy nods even though he can't see her. She knows he's not putting work ahead of his family, but he wants to break the cycle and sometimes that meant making painful sacrifices. "You've been really great tonight, Lindsey. You kept me from going insane."

"Glad I could help."

She smiles and grips the phone a little tighter as though it can somehow give her a physical connection to him. "I don't want this to end, but I have a lot to do tomorrow and I should probably attempt to get some sleep."

"Hey, I understand. I'll talk to you later."

"Thank you for this. I know this case could be big for you."

"No problem, sweetheart. I told you earlier you're more important. Call me when you get a chance tomorrow?"

She smiles again as she plays with a loose thread on her sweatpants. "Always."

"Always," he repeats.

It's their version of "I love you" and right now, it was providing Buffy with untold comfort. They hang up at the same time and she lays her head on the arm of the couch, savoring the warm feeling she always gets after talking to her boyfriend.


	2. Tears

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon.

Author's Note: I know that Lindsey's time at Wolfram and Hart may seem a little off, but we're never told what his age is so I took the liberty of making him a little younger than he might be so that the age difference between he and Buffy isn't so drastic.

More Than I Deserve: Chapter Two

The first time they met they were both at the beach.

Lindsey had gone straight from work. He'd had a long day and coming to the beach always helped him clear his head. He had been with Wolfram and Hart for five years and he was well accustomed to their clients and the work they did, but sometimes the cases he was given really got to him and had him second guessing the choices he had made.

He hadn't been walking long when he spotted a blonde woman a little ways up the beach. She was standing close enough to the water that the waves lapped at her feet and her arms were wrapped around her middle, almost as though she were holding herself together. Everything about her radiated sadness and Lindsey found himself drawn to her.

Before he could talk himself out of it he made his way over to her and tentatively placed a hand on her shoulder. She turned to look up at him, her green eyes wide with an emotion he couldn't identify. It was more than just sadness and in Lindsey's opinion she looked far too young to have experienced whatever put that look in her eyes. "Are you okay?"

Surprise overtook every other emotion Buffy was feeling at the moment. In the two weeks that she'd been in Los Angeles no one had taken the time to ask if she was okay. That was why she had left Sunnydale in the first place, so that she could finally be alone but at the same time, she missed having someone care about her. And this guy, this stranger that she had known for all of thirty seconds, was showing actual concern for her. "Not so much. It's been a really long, weird year and I think it's finally catching up with me."

"I know we just met, but if you want to talk about it then I'm willing to listen."

"I appreciate the offer, but I'm not ready to share yet."

"I understand. So, what do you say we start over? I'm Lindsey McDonald."

Somehow, Buffy managed to smile. The light, easy conversation between them was exactly what she needed right now. "Anne Spencer."

"Nice to meet you, Anne. What brings you to LA?"

Tears brimmed in her green eyes and she bit her lip to keep them from spilling over. It wasn't the first impression she wanted to make, but when she'd told him that the events of the last few months were finally starting to take their toll she hadn't been lying. "I'm sorry. I don't usually do this."

"It's okay. I won't make any judgments."

"Thank you."

"No problem. What do you say we get out of here and go get some coffee or something?"

And he made her smile again even though her eyes still glistened with unshed tears. "I'd like that."


	3. Devotion

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon.

More Than I Deserve: Chapter Three

They've been together for fifteen months and Lindsey's never felt about anyone else the way he feels about Anne. She's everything he's always dreamed about and lately he's found himself becoming discontent. He isn't happy with his job or where he is in life. Sure, he makes great money and his current apartment is three times bigger than any of the places he ever lived as a child, but now he finds that all of the perks that come with his job are meaningless. He misses seeing his brothers and sisters. He hates being away from Anne every day. But what he really hates, is the control that Wolfram and Hart has over him.

He knows he could do something about it, but he's not stupid. He didn't get to be a junior partner by being ignorant about the way his firm worked and he's a little afraid of what the senior partners would do to him if he were to break away and live the life he's found himself desiring more and more in the last year. Anne is more than worth the sacrifice, but Lindsey knows that if he gets himself killed she'll never forgive him. In fact, she'd probably find a way to bring him back so that she could kill him herself.

He can't help smiling at that thought. She had figured out pretty quickly that some of his clients weren't human and she hadn't been bothered by it. He still hadn't told her that it was his job to defend them and he knew that if he didn't make a major lifestyle change soon he would have to let her know the truth about his job, but he would cross that bridge when he came to it. For the first time in his life, he was truly happy and he wanted to enjoy the feeling while it lasted.

"You look happy."

Lindsey almost couldn't hold back a groan when he heard the familiar voice. "What do you want, Lilah?"

She shrugged nonchalantly but Lindsey wasn't buying it. "You haven't been yourself lately and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

Yeah, right. She was looking for a weakness so that she could take advantage of it and advance her position. Too bad she wasn't going to find one. Sure, he considered Anne a weakness, but he wasn't going to let Wolfram and Hart know that. They prided themselves on knowing every part of their employees' lives, but they didn't know a damn thing about Anne and he would fight like hell to keep it that way. "Everything's fine. Thanks for the concern."

"Are you sure? Because you can always talk to me."

He ground his teeth and barely managed to repress the urge to strangle that smug look off her face. She thought she knew something, but Lindsey always played his cards close to the vest. He'd learned early on never to trust anyone and that lesson had come into play several times since he'd joined an evil law firm. "I'll keep that generous offer in mind. Thank you, Lilah." She smiled again, that saccharine sweet smile she only used when she had the upper hand and Lindsey felt his stomach clench. It was time to stop playing games. "What do you know?"

"Nothing concrete. Just that whoever it is making you smile like that must inspire a great deal of devotion if you're willing to go to such lengths to protect them."

_Don't say her name. Don't give anything away. Stay calm and mislead her if you can._ "Lilah, the only thing I'm devoted to is my job. If you thought you had something on me, you were wrong. Sorry to disappoint you." The lie made him feel sick, but he'd had no choice. He couldn't let Lilah or anyone else know about Anne. If anything happened to her, he would never forgive himself.


	4. First Kiss

Disclaimer: All characters are property of Joss Whedon.

More Than I Deserve: Chapter Four

Buffy didn't want to go. She wanted to stay in Los Angeles end explore this thing with Lindsey, but she knew she had to go. She needed to go back to Sunnydale and deal with the mess that she had left behind. She felt guilty about leaving the way she had, but the thing she felt most guilty about was lying to Lindsey. She could have told him the truth. He worked with the supernatural as well so he wouldn't have been weirded out, but almost everyone who found out what she did wound up dead or seriously injured and she wasn't about to take that chance with Lindsey.

It had only been three months, but he already meant a lot to her and she didn't want to risk anything happening to him. Eventually, she would have to tell him, but for now she could continue being Anne when she was with him.

"Hey, you already done packing?" he asked as he let himself in.

She shrugged and met him in the middle of her room. "I don't have a lot of stuff. It only took ten minutes."

"You'll call me when you get there?"

She smiled and slipped her hands into his. It was cute, the way he was so protective of her. It was nice, too. From the moment they had met, Lindsey had looked out for her and she would miss that almost as much as seeing him every day. "I can take care of myself, you know, but yes I will call you."

"And you're sure about going back? I can't convince you to stay?"

Buffy wanted to stay. God knew, she wanted to stay with him but she had to go back to Sunnydale and face the mess that she had left behind. She couldn't keep running. "I would stay if I could, but I have responsibilities that I've been running from long enough and my friends need me. On top of that, I know they and my mom are worried about me. I have to go back."

"I know." As much as she had relaxed after her first week in Los Angeles, Lindsey had been able to tell that something was bothering her all summer. She'd opened him up to him eventually, but he got the feeling that he was still missing a big part of the story. He leaned down and pressed his mouth to hers, brushing his lips over hers a couple of times before pulling back.

As far as kisses went it had been pretty chaste, but it was enough for Buffy. She really wanted to take her time and explore this thing with Lindsey. She didn't want it to be rushed. She didn't want it to be filled with passion in the beginning and then burn out so that they were left with nothing. It had been the perfect first kiss and she smiled as she looked up at him, her green eyes sparkling with happiness for the first time all summer. "I'll call," she whispered, not wanting to ruin the lightness of the moment.

"You better," he murmured, pulling her to his chest for one last hug.


	5. Blood

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon.

More Than I Deserve: Chapter Five

When he showed up at her motel room favoring his left side, blood seeping through his fingers, she panicked. She was the Slayer, she'd gotten used to the injuries, although they'd never been this bad. She had learned early on how to deal with the pain and the blood, but it was different this time. This time, she wasn't the one who had been hurt. It was Lindsey and in the last six weeks, he'd come to mean a lot to her.

"What happened?" she asked as she slipped under the arm he wasn't using to hold pressure on his wound and helped him into her room and over to her bed.

"Client got pissed off. Took his anger out on me."

"I hate that you work with demons."

He smiled and cupped Buffy's cheek as she sat down on the edge of the bed. "I know. You've told me before."

"Well, I'm telling you again."

"Anne." He grabbed her hands, stopping her in the process of unbuttoning his shirt. "I'll be okay."

"Says the man who's bleeding all over my bed." She stood up and made her way to the bathroom. After taking the first-aid kit from where it stayed under the sink, she closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath. It wasn't that bad. It couldn't be or he would be in the hospital. Unless he had refused to go. It would be just like him to—no, she wasn't going down that road. Not until she knew how badly he was hurt. She took another deep breath and then crossed the room to her bed.

"I think you're more worried than I am."

"I'm sorry. My boyfriend shows up at my door bleeding and acts like it's an every day occurrence, I reserve the right to be freaked out."

Lindsey sat up and cupped her face in his hands. "I'll be okay. It looks worse than it is."

"That's not a whole lot of comfort because it looks like you should be in the hospital."

He smiled and brushed his lips over hers. "I trust you."

She sighed and rested her forehead against his. "If you die, I'm bringing you back and killing you myself."

"Is a physical contract okay?"

"That's not funny."

His mouth curved in a half smile as his thumbs brushed away her tears. "It's a little funny."

"No," she protested as he pressed another kiss to her mouth. "It really isn't."

"Sweetheart, it's going to take more than a little blood to keep me away from you."

"I want a written contract and it has to be signed, dated and notarized."

"Should I sign it in blood?"

"Lindsey."

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere. You know that, Anne. I'm here."

"Always?"

"Always."


	6. Telephone

Disclaimer: All characters are property of Joss Whedon.

More Than I Deserve: Chapter Six

The sudden ringing of his cell phone pulled Lindsey away from researching his latest case and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the name on the screen. "I was wondering when you were going to call."

Buffy smiled at the trace of worry she picked up in his voice and relaxed for the first time all day as settled on her bed. "Sorry. Today's been big with the crazy. This is the first chance I've had to catch my breath."

"The ascension?"

"Mayor turned into a giant snake and he and the school went kaboom!" She let out a sigh as she leaned into her pillows, exhausted now that adrenaline and her emotions weren't running on high. "I can't believe it's finally over."

"Graduation or the mayor's reign?"

"Both. And then there's everything that happened with Faith. God, I wish things hadn't turned out that way."

"Baby, it's not your fault." He hated that they'd been separated for the last nine months, only staying in contact by phone, but it was safer that way. If he didn't go to her, then Wolfram and Hart couldn't have him followed. It was better to stay in contact long distance on a secure line that only she had the number for.

"Isn't it? I mean, it was obvious she just wanted someone to care about her. She tried to open up and I shut her down. I treated her like she was less than me and then I tried to kill her."

"You didn't get there by yourself."

"I know, I just can't help feeling guilty, you know? At one point, we did get along."

"I know and I'm sorry. I wish I could have been there for you."

"So do I." Buffy closed her eyes, wanting nothing more in that moment to be with Lindsey again. She'd missed him so much since coming back to Sunnydale and after the senior year from hell all she wanted was to see him again and be in his arms. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to spend the summer in Los Angeles with him, but she didn't know how that was possible.

"Anne?" She'd been quiet for a while and with the day she'd had, Lindsey wasn't sure that was a good thing.

"I'm still here. I was just thinking."

"Yeah? What were you thinking about?"

"How much I miss you. How much I want to be with you right now."

"You could be. You could spend the summer in L.A. again."

"Lindsey, you have no idea how good that sounds, but I can't. I have responsibilities here."

"You deserve a break, sweetheart. Why don't you take one?"

God, that sounded so tempting and she wanted so badly to have a little freedom. And in that instant, her mind was made up. Sunnydale had survived before her arrival and her friends had handled things last summer they could do it again. "You're right."

"I am?"

"Don't sound so surprised, lawyer boy. You're good with the persuasiveness."

He smiled as his eyes landed on the picture of her he'd pulled out earlier in the day. He usually kept it locked in his desk, but he'd known what she was facing today and he'd wanted to feel close to her so he had taken it out. "I know."

"Don't get cocky," she warned playfully.

"Me? Never. So when will you be here?"

"Late tomorrow."

"Where do you want to meet?"

"The place we had our first date."

Lindsey smiled again, remembering how much fun they'd had that night. "Border Grill it is."

"First person there gets a table?" she questioned and couldn't help smiling herself. She was in a much better mood, feeling a little more energized at the thought of seeing Lindsey again after so long.

"Of course."

"Great. I'll see you there."


End file.
